Taking this time to out myself

Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires.

Lord I'm amazed by you, how you love me. How wide, how deep, how great is your love for me.
-Amazed by Hillsong

I will find the perfect man, well as close to perfect as you can possibly get. Yes my heart is weary from the past heartbreaks, so I am done giving it away. On the love I will finally have my eyes are set. For now and for all the days to follow God will fill my void. Yes he has made and will make me complete. He will open my eyes to see and my heart yes it has finally realized he is all the love I need.

I wrote that tonight. I will be seventeen in a couple of minutes and I look back at what the past year has been like. Let me tell you it has definitely been challenging. There were many highs, but there were a lot more lows. I have been through so much and I am so grateful that God has seen me through each season.

Tonight's message really spoke to me it really touched my heart. It was all about the living water. See I have tried the living water, but there has been times when I have tried something different. I have tried a different water it was the same, the only thing different was the taste. It tasted awful, but I just ignored that thought and kept going to it. I was distracted and no matter what came up I would keep drinking the other water. I wanted to be filled with that water. The more I drank, the thirstier I got. It didn't matter I just kept drinking.

I was in a "friendship" with this boy who I loved. No kidding, I really liked this dude. I would talk to him non stop all day long even to the wee hours of the morning. I was so desperate to talk to him. I would stay up on the phone or stay up texting him until sometimes four even if I knew I had to wake up an hour later. I would go without sleep just to talk to him. I saw something so alluring and I bit it like a fish I was stuck and I was hooked. I spent a lot of time dwelling on this guy.

 I knew this wasn't the right relationship to be in. I mean every time I prayed I heard that he wasn't the one. I didn't listen of course. So I was stuck. Part of me wanted to stay where I was at and the other part was secretly waiting for someone to tell me what I was doing wrong. See relationships are good, but what you put into a relationship can be a bad thing. I was putting way too much of my life into spending time with this guy and way too less time with God. The more time away I spent the farther away my focus was.

Finally, one day I found out this guy had a girlfriend. I felt so STUPID. No joke A TOTAL IDIOT!! So I decided I would stop talking to him. That very afternoon I was talking to Arielle about my current situation. I DON'T know what convicted me to tell her that I wanted to go a year with just me and God, but I did anyway. Her reply? Why not now?! I was extremely hesitant, but I finally agreed. This was God's way of disciplining me. I was so hurt and as time passes I'm feeling better and better. I know he put all these events in order, because he loves me. I look at it now in a way where he rescued me. Yes rescued me, because temptation leads to sin and sin gives birth to death. He was just making a way for me to escape something that would eventually be very destructive. So I thank God for all that he has done for me. I thank him that no matter what goes down in life he always always loves me.

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grown it gives birth to death.