East to West

Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you (Proverbs 20:22).

"I know you've washed me white,turned my darkness into light.I need your peace to get me through, to get me through this night. I can’t live by what I feel, but by the truth your word reveals I'm not holding on to you ,but you're holding on to me.You’re holding on to me. Jesus you know just how far the east is from the west. I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again. In the arms of your mercy I find rest, cause you know just how far the east is from the west. One scarred hand to the other." -East to West Casting Crowns

Today my emotions were out of control. I was so angry and miserable. I hated myself for it. I had no reason to feel that way. I just felt like giving up. It was one of those days where I just kept seeing the bad things that were occurring. I was so stuck and I couldn't stand it. I viewed myself as a failure and I saw myself as ugly. The way I thought and the way I acted today was extremely unattractive. Even more it was like I had no hold on my emotions they were just doing their own thing and all I could do was sit back and watch it all play out. Call me crazy, but I am grateful for everything that happened today. It was a trial, but I've learned something or actually was reminded of something. 

I may be out of control not knowing what to do, but God is always in control. God has a purpose for everything that happens in my life. To illustrate I will borrow the example James gave us. A bat is just a bat, it has a purpose to hit the ball, but it can't do anything unless it is in the hands of a hitter. It won't go anywhere if the hitter isn't a good one. I am a bat, I cannot fulfill my purpose if I do not allow myself to rest in the hands of God. I scream I am out of control and in a gentle voice God replies just rest in my hands Rhia. I am the best at baseball I know exactly where to hit the ball so you can run home. Rhia when you have no control over anything you know where to run, don't panic. I know what will happen I will take care of you. Never worry I am in control. 

I can't let all of my outrageous emotions take over I have to look back to my other blogs and remind myself that I NEED to surrender them to God. I can't continue to destroy myself with hatred for the things I've done in the past I have to forgive myself learn from my mistakes and try my best not to commit them again. I have to know and believe that if God says he loves me so much he sends my sins as far as the east is from the west he will always forgive me for my many messups. That's just what he is love and mercy. Nothing can or will ever separate me from God's love. I have to confess that I have done so many things wrong and I must accept his grace when he forgives me. 

^"7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." 1 John 4:7-21