Love is Patient

1 Samuel 13:8-14

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁸ Saul waited there seven days for Samuel, as Samuel had instructed him earlier, but Samuel still didn’t come. Saul realized that his troops were rapidly slipping away. ⁹ So he demanded, “Bring me the burnt offering and the peace offerings!” And Saul sacrificed the burnt offering himself. ¹⁰ Just as Saul was finishing with the burnt offering, Samuel arrived. Saul went out to meet and welcome him, ¹¹ but Samuel said, “What is this you have done?” Saul replied, “I saw my men scattering from me, and you didn’t arrive when you said you would, and the Philistines are at Micmash ready for battle. ¹² So I said, ‘The Philistines are ready to march against us at Gilgal, and I haven’t even asked for the Lord’s help!’ So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering myself before you came.” ¹³ “How foolish!” Samuel exclaimed. “You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you. Had you kept it, the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. ¹⁴ But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.” 

"Lord, You take my heart away with Your love and I am willing to put on my faith in Your plan. Come and take my life. Make my soul refreshed in truth now. I am ready for You. Take my heart and make me new now. I am ready for You to come and fill my soul. Cleanse all of my mind that is not of You. Break me, teaching me how to find rest in Your hands. Come and take my life. Make my soul refreshed in truth now. Whatever it takes, I'm needing to make Your will be done and I'm letting go of my control, for I see what You've done in me." -Ready for You Kutless

"It’s not everything it seems - the world and its dreams slipping like water through my hands tonight.All the things I thought would fill me up inside left me empty here - and now I know why. All along I was looking for something else You’re something else. All along I was looking for something more You’re so much more. I finally found what I could never see before You’ve always been the one that I was looking for." All Along Remedy Drive 

For some reason today was just up and down and all around. I was so sad, I was also happy but no matter how many times I laughed or smiled today, there was an underlying sadness. I just couldn't pinpoint and still now can't pinpoint it. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I wanted to talk to my "Paul", but she was busy so I let her go and decided to take it all to God. Today I talked to him like I haven't before. I just talked to him like he was my closest friend. I just had this conversation with him where I confessed that I was scared, weak, worried, stressed, sad and so on. I told him everything that I was worried about and I asked him for his peace. I asked that he would speak to me and offer his guidance. I remember the gist of what he said. "Don't worry I know today and I knew tomorrow even before you were born. I have it in my hands. I will always get you through everything. I will take care of you." I felt so much better, it felt so good to give everything up to him so he could take it away. I decided to take a nap and again when I woke up I was sad again. So I decided to read his word. He blessed me with Samuel 13:8-14 it was honestly revealed word. 

I feel like he is speaking me. He says that he wants me to patiently wait on him. He wants my heart to be after him alone, once I build a relationship with him I can finally build one with someone else. Even if the world is throwing so many things at me, I'm not going to panic. When I am lonely, when I am sad, when thoughts invade my mind once again, when I feel like I can no longer go on...I won't panic I will wait on him and his promise for me. I will turn to him and once again lay my emotional baggage at his feet and trust he will get ridd of them. My emotions are often unstable and change but he is stable he is unchanging and he is faithful. So I will continue to wait on him. He said he has the one for me my perfect half so I will wait on him.

I will no longer act when it feels like his promise won't come to pass. I won't seek a relationship when the time isn't right. He has opened my eyes to see what it does to me. It hurts me. It makes me angry. It makes me exhausted. It breaks me apart. It has made me desperate for God and his healing power. He takes away the pain, strips me of my anger, gives me strength to get by each second, he takes me broken and puts me together. He sees the beauty when my life is a mess and loves me without a condition. I hope this year will allow me to understand his love more. I want to see everyone who has ever been nice to me or who has ever taken my heart and practically destroyed it through his eyes. I want to forgive, and I want to love. 

I thank God that he loves me so much, he is putting blocks in all the areas where a relationship with a boy can be built. He is giving me so many doors of escape when I am being tempted. He loves me, so he is protecting me. I owe it to him to wait. I want to give my life to him each day, and allow my heart to be opened to follow. He will take me to places I have never been to and when the time is finally right he'll lead me to that man. So I'll take this year to stay on the right path, get back up when I fall, ask for his forgiveness receive it when he gives it to me, keep walking and hold tight to his hand. 

"Love is patient and kind." 1 Corinthians 13:4