Practice What I Preach

Ephesians 4:27

"for anger gives a foothold to the devil."

"Lord I come to You

Let my heart be changed, renewed

Flowing from the grace

That I found in You.

And Lord I've come to know

The weaknesses I see in me

Will be stripped away

By the power of Your love."

-Power of Your Love Hillsong

Anger heavy anger a burden literally heavy on my chest excuse the cliche, but yes it was a crushing weight. Snapping at every little thing. I have lost my cool my usual patience, yes it has become very thin. Inside I feel twisted all my thoughts twisted. Just when I believed I had it all under control blocking thoughts that used to be allowed to rent out the spaces in my mind. Thoughts I  would even invite. Just when I thought I had cut everything off that hindered the growth of my spirit. Just when I thought I would not start liking anyone. Just when I thought I had everything set. Just when I developed self control over most things. It hits me in the gut! That's just  not how things are, or at least not right at the moment. I am weak, and temptations keep hitting me on every side.

Thank you Jesus! I just remembered a lesson from fellowship what you confess you will become. No I am not weak in God I find strength. So when I feel weak I am actually strong. I am going to keep surrendering my self and all the thoughts to God every day. "I will lay everything down because Your love makes it worth it." Surrender Kim Walker Just a continued surrender, at the end of the day it's not my battle to fight, but God's. With him I will conquer. When the dam in my mind that holds lies and unwanted thoughts at bay comes down at least I know who I can go to. God has the power to rebuild the dam. I see a wall that blocks me from moving forward, but the truth is that God is bigger than that wall. It is nothing to him with him I can do all things.

I have to fix my eyes on Jesus. When I think as I often do of the "people" or "things" I have lost, I'll just have to remember that God will give me things far more magnificent than anything I have ever had. He is so much more. So when I think I am weak I'll remember that I am strong because I have God to hold me up, and fill me with his strength. This year, from now until May 9th 2012 I am going to focus on God. I am going to build a closer relationship with him. Just like I would with any other person I will spend more time with him. I will seek his presence more and his love. I will depend on him for joy. I will lean on his shoulder and cry and be comforted by his healing embrace. Just like I was pro at listening out for my cell phone, I knew exactly how it sounded even if it was far away from me, just like I was "desperate" to talk to the person who was texting me I want to learn how to know God's voice and I want to be desperate to talk to him. I want to be desperate for him. I want to rely on him alone. This year just started and it is already difficult, but like I told one of my closest friends in the past, "It may be hard, but with God it is definitely not impossible." So I'm going to do him a favor and practice what I preach.

Hebrews 10:36

New Living Translation (NLT)

³⁶ Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.