Joy and Grace

Psalm 37:23-24
The Lord directs the steps of the godly.He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble they will never fall for the Lord holds them by hand.

"You are my strength, strength like no other. Strength like no other reaches to me. You are my hope, hope like no other.Hope like no other reaches to me. In the fullness of your grace in the power of your name you lift me up. You lift me up. Unfailing love, stronger than mountains deeper than oceans reaches to me. Your love oh Lord reaches to the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the sky." You Are My Strength Hillsong

Fellowship, something that I made every excuse not to go to. I really didn't want to go. No offense I was just super shy, and didn't think I would know anyone other than Anthony. I was skeptical when he said his church was in days inn. I was like why would it be at a hotel? Anyway I had my own "fellowship" for my church. I was doing fine. I don't know there were so many blocks when he would invite me. Would my parents even let me go? How would I get there? How would I get home? Would I know more than one person? So every week he would ask me to come and every week I would make up yet another excuse. Thank you Lord God for making him persistent. I wasn't ready just yet, the timing wasn't right. God had other things in store for me.

Soon enough my heart was shattered so I finally took the invitation and decided to go. What would it hurt? I fell in love. Fellowship was this place where I could find healing. I was so on fire for God for those couple of months. I was closer to him than ever before. I had experienced many things for the first time. I was in the best place I could possibly be. (Oh shucks happy birthday to me! I'm :( 17 12:09 June 25th, 2011 What on earth every one is still GONE!!?) Than, what happened? I got into a relationship again, with the same guy. I eventually got dumped. Then turned to another guy. You know how the story goes.

Anyway so fellowship a lot of the times was something I just took for granted. A lot of times I was stuck and I desperately wanted what I used to have. Tonight I learned a couple of things. Tonight I went to fellowship and I had this pull to pray. After a couple of moments to debate where I would pray I found a spot and started. I don't know what it was, but after a while I started crying. It felt so good to cry, I just let everything go. Every single thing that weighed heavy escaped on the tears that flowed. The more I cried the lighter I felt.

There were many times that I went to fellowship for the wrong reasons. I went there with too many distractions. Tonight I prayed that my main focus would be the only focus I should have, God. I have found that when I focus on him alone there is freedom. I felt so free. The most liberated I have felt in a long time. I thank God for his message. I want to be desperate for him. I want him to fill me up to the top with the water that won't leave me thirsty. I want to get closer to him. Now more than ever. Better now, even if it's later than never.

Oh and I wanted to thank Joyce and Grace for always always always being my ride home. I know that Piti is really out of the way from Barrigada. Thank you Mommy Grace and Ate Joyce. It means so much to me. I love you guys may God always bless you.

Proverbs 16:2
People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed."