Devour

^"12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. ¹³ And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong,^[a] and he never tempts anyone else. ¹⁴ Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. ¹⁵ These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."-James 1:12-15

"Who am I that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt? 

Who am I that the Bright and Morning Star would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart? ...I am the flower quickly fading here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, vapor in the wind. Still you here me when I'm calling Lord you catch me when I'm falling and you've told me who I am. I am yours. Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again? Who am I that the voice that calmed the sea would call out through the rain and calm the storm in me? I am yours. " -Who am I Casting Crowns

I'm pretty sure I've shared this before, but I would just like to speak about my recent experiences. So bear with me here as I repeat what I have chosen to do. I have chosen to go on a year long journey. Just me and God. He will be my main focus. Instead of putting all of my effort into finding a boy who I will be in a relationship with so that I can feel loved and happy. I will spend this year seeking God, his presence, his Holy Spirit, his LOVE, his joy, and his guidance. I want a stronger relationship with him. I want to grow in faith. I want to be closer to him than ever before. By doing that I also want to guide people to that place. A relationship with him promises that he will never break my heart. Maybe after this year I will learn genuine love, and I will stop looking for it in the wrong places. 

 

I have been the typical girl checking out guys. My eyes were huge hungry mouths searching for the sweetest candy in a world that was a candy shop.  They wanted to devour any delicious thing that they saw. My mind was the stomach they fed. Filled to the top with thoughts like dang he is HANDSOME. I have stayed up all night long texting or talking on the phone with a guy who I really liked. I have poured my life story into their ears like pots until they overflowed. I have spent hours thinking about them or what I could do to win their love. I have put so much effort into trying to make relationships and keeping them. I put so much of my life into having what I wanted a boy that would make me happy a boy that would "love" me. After all of this I have been left heartbroken. Crying...Thinking the world would never go on. ANGRY. I would put everything into poems so that I could feel better. At random, I would see something and it would remind me of that certain boy, and I would feel sad again. It would take a very long time to build a bridge and get over him. I would forgive him, and forgive myself, and ask God to forgive me for straying away. I would never forget him, just the bad memories associated with him. Never stop caring. Never stop loving, just in the right love. Then I would pick myself up again. 

This walk with Jesus is just like riding a bike. When I fall I get back on the bike and start again. If I don't and give up then and there I won't get anywhere. When I stumble tripping over worldly desires, I get up grab the hand of Jesus and try again. I can't just give up because I've messed up. I need to ask him to forgive me and then try again. Which brings me to why I have typed all of these things. Yes, I have decided to go on this year long journey, but it gets hard sometimes. It's like there are so many guys around me. You get it right? I'm being tempted to give in, but there's good news with temptation. It isn't sin, giving into temptation is sin. So for now and for the days to come I will pray for self-control over what my eyes look at and what my mind thinks. When temptation comes I won't entertain it. I won't fight it. I will flee it. I will pray and go to God's word. He's in control and that's all I need to know. 

"Make allowance for each others faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you so you must forgive others." -Collosians 3:13