Paused not stopped.

The past two months have been really hard on my family. After we came back from an amazing three week vacation in the Philippines, my dad stayed a week on island, then went off island for another two weeks. He had training for the Air Force. When he came home he started to get sick . There was some anxiety in the uncertainty of what was going on with him. Eventually we found out that he had a skin infection that was only made worse by the wrong antibiotics. The heavy load of antibiotics caused him to have MRSA. When they diagnosed it they gave him the right antibiotics and he started to get better, so they released him from the hospital. However, when he returned for a follow up he was re-admitted because the oral antibiotics weren't working. Then he had to have surgery.

When it finally looked like we were out of the woods and trying to get into a groove. My Mama (my grandma) started to get sick. Then we found out she actually had a progressive stroke. So now as a whole family we had to figure out how to shift focus and take care of Mama (who we are used to being so independent.) All this to say my family was going through the wringer like when we finally stood up we were knocked down. 

Personally, I was struggling to stay afloat. I was just trying to help out where I could wherever I could. Hold it together, as to not worry anyone further. But inside I don't know. I can't even explain it. There were moments where I just wanted to go into a corner by myself and cry. My heart was hurting for everyone. There was so many things going on around me with my family and other people close to me and I was trying hard to internalize everything. And smile. 

But you know what I refused to do? I refused to stop praising and loving Jesus. If I was going to worship him through tears I was going to worship him through tears. I knew that I knew that I knew that Jesus, JESUS was still on the throne. That Jesus never stops loving. That even, EVEN when it looked like everything was falling apart around me, I knew that Jesus was holding it all together. Our God is an awesome God!! He is providential, we only see a piece and he sees the whole thing. When we are broken, he is near to us. When we cry out, he hears us. When we are feeling hopeless, he is our hope! He generously provides our needs. And I mean generously! And I will keep praising him, because he is WORTHY. 

So let me give you a sneak peak of these past three days........To let you in on the GOODNESS of God. 

Monday:
I woke up and checked my phone. There were new emails, so I checked them. I had an email from ETS that my score report was in. With the crushing weight of anxiety on my chest, I typed ets.org into Safari, then I signed in to my account, and saw in big and bold that I passed the Praxis 2. I passed the Praxis 2!! The first time! For those of you who are not Education majors, maybe you'll read over this, so let me explain to you the craziness of this test. I am an Elementary Ed major. So our content test covers Reading, Math, Science, and Social Studies. The range of questions are wide and varied. The test is $120 dollars. A lot of people don't pass the first, second, but maybe the third is the charm, because this test is DIFFICULT! Okay? Like imagine the questions could be anything about Reading, Math, Science, or Social Studies....... Are you starting to feel the stress? This is not to brag about passing the first time. This is to brag about GOD! My church had a month of fasting in February. One of my specific prayer requests was to pass the test the first time. So my prayer request card got prayed over multiple times and by different people. I took the test in early march and I wasn't sure I passed because the test was crazy and I wasn't confident. I didn't get what all my other friends got which was their raw score at the end. I got an NS. So I had to wait a whole month for my scores to get to me. Imagine how sweet it was to see PASSED after a whole month of waiting. With God everything is possible, even a seemingly insurmountable feat like passing passing the Praxis 2 Elementary Content. 

Tuesday:
Yesterday was Rhenae's 16th birthday. First I went with my mom to AHES for Sarah's award ceremony. She got the platinum award which means she scored 100s on her Reading and Math in the ACT ASPIRE test as well as showed readiness in all of the categories. Then we went around the island looking for decorations for Nae's dinner to surprise her. We found a store that had Monsters University STUFF! Score! Nae's dinner comes we have a blast. She's surprised and happy. She gets this epic cake and super awesome cupcakes. Everyone is having a good time. My boyfriend is acting weird all night and making me nervous. He keeps checking his phone which is out of character. And he looks nervous and stuff which makes me nervous. We leave. Drop Lauren home and then head home. He stays a little and then says he has to go to get Nae's last big surprise gift. Comes back half an hour later and waiting by the door is my baby sister Chely! CHELY!!! My family is over joyed at her return even if for a short while. It's such a contrast from what we've been holding on our shoulders. 

Thanks to everyone who helped out in getting Chely home. Praise Jesus! We're just going to soak up every single minute we have with her. Words can't even begin to express how blessed we are right now. 

When the lights go off in the theater. The play is on pause it hasn't stopped. There are people backstage preparing to bring more to the stage. Just because things look dim doesn't mean God's stopped. He's paused and he's preparing to bring things to the front of the stage of your life. Keep keeping on. Keep your hand to that plow. Praise Him especially when things are looking like hell has broken loose and when you praise heaven will come down! And heave has surely been coming down these past two days. Blessings just keep falling. SO THANK YOU JESUS!! I love you so much!!!

19 So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for he will never fail you.
1 Peter 4:19